A (kind of) Holiday Letter

Dear: (#1)

  1. Friends
  2. Family
  3. Readers
  4. Random web search guests.
  5. Any and all of the above.


As you may know, I: (#2)

  1. Teach
  2. Give myself wedgies
  3. Cross- stitch

When I’m not enjoying my life at home.


Since I write so many quizzes and tests, I: (#3)

  1. Am no longer able to write anything else . . . which explains this odd Holiday Letter.
  2. Have decided to smash my keyboard.
  3. Figured you all would love one of my quizzes just as much as my students surely do.


There are so many things to celebrate. While it is true that: (#4)

  1. People.
  2. Nature.
  3. Middle-Earth.
  4. All of the above.

Are/is far from perfect, I can’t help but look around and: (#5)

  1. Smile.
  2. Spit.
  3. Curse.

At all of the joyous things in my life.


Even when what I see in the News brings me down, I spring back to my happy self because: (#6)

  1. Star Wars: Episode VII is coming out in approximately 883 days.
  2. I am surrounded by wonderful people.
  3. I spend a lot of time on trampolines.
  4. I’m actually writing this from the moon, so bouncing isn’t really a choice due to the gravity difference.
  5. Both A and B.


During the Holiday Season, please make sure the important people in your life know you care about them. Celebrate them and always remember that: (#7)

  1. Big Brother is Watching You.
  2. The world is what we make it.
  3. These people can turn on you at any given moment.


If you’re having trouble thinking of people you really like, try getting out and meeting some new ones! Your new best friend: (#8)

  1. Could be just outside your door.
  2. Is really an actor about to play a hilariously mean prank on you.
  3. Does not, nor will he ever, exist–though you might have fun looking.


I wish you all best: (#9)

  1. Whoever you are.
  2. Unless your name is Jeremy and you live on Briar between Halsted and Broadway.
  3. But only because I’m banking on karma to bounce these “well wishes” back my way.


Finally, please take your pick of the following salutations: (#10)

  1. Merry Christmas
  2. Happy Holidays
  3. May the odds be ever in your favor.
  4. God bless.
  5. Salutations? We don’t need no stinking salutations!



ANSWER KEY: # 1 = E.     #2 = A.            #3 = C             #4 = D             #5 = A             #6 = E   #7 = B                       #8 = A             #9 = B            #10 = Congratulations! You got this one right!

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